Let Go
by Phantom of the Fiction
Summary: Adopted from Creativesmurph. Can you simply bury your darker side? Mikan Sakura is being tested immensely by her supposed friends, and all the abuse is nearly intolerable. Will she finally break? M for drug use.
1. Chapter 1

**This story was adopted from Creativesmurph. The first two chapters not written by me at all, except for the ...thingy your reading right now. After chapter 2 I'll publish my own words, and I'm going to cut out the bad language in mine.**

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Let Go

Summary: After years of tolerating scrutiny, cruel tricks and unfriendliness, Mikan Sakura has changed inside. Outside, she maintains the happy, cheery appearance she's known, and loathed for, but inside, she's becoming dark, and occasionally she has horrible visions of death and destruction. To cope with her problems, and still seem her cheerful old self, she starts using drugs, and slowly her mental health deteriorates.

A/N: Meh.

Disclaimer: I don't own Alice Academy or anything associated with it. I'm merely a fan who also happens to be somewhat creative in the writing field.

Strict Warning:This story contains dark themes, like drug use. If you are easily offended, then this story isn't suitable for your reading.

Chapter One: Depression

_The corridors are so dark,_ Mikan thought while she walked along the path to her classroom, It's as if all the people have died. She shook her head. Why would anybody be dead? They were in the classroom, learning. And she was running late and would undoubtedly be punished for it. What else would he do besides give me detention? Demand I write a hundred times on the chalk board? He's already had me do that, she thought of Mr. Jinno bitterly. He always found minutiae excuses to punish her. He gave her detention almost every day, and his general demeanor towards her was harsh. At first, she had tried to win his approval, but with passing time, she had given up, consciously, knowing she would never win the cold-hearted bastard's approval. Who the fuck told me I needed it?

As the door to her classroom approached, Mikan's morose face transformed into a mask of energy and cheerfulness. As she turned her walking steps into bouncy springs, she came in front of his face, his angry face, and though outside she adopted a meek look, inside she was defiant and spiteful.

"Where have you been, Ms. Sakura!?" Jinno screamed at her, "You're late again!" What else is new? "For this, you will be given detention today!"

_Why don't you take your detention and shove it up your ugly ass, you fuck?_

Mikan nodded timidly. She walked into the classroom and smiled brightly at everyone. Glum, uninterested faces stared back. Instead of decreasing, her smile increased greatly and she trotted over to Hotaru, her best friend, to give her a hug. The reply to her warmth was a punch in the face by the baka gun.

_Stony little bitch, aren't ya?_ She smiled dismissively, the huge red spot on her face painfully visible, and walked to her seat.

"Why do you always have to go over and hug her? You know she's never going to hug an idiot like you" Sumire sneered, her lackeys snickering and agreeing with her.

_Hello, how's your green head doing today, Bitch?_

A scoff came from behind her. Mikan looked over her shoulder.

"You're telling an idiot that?" Natsume said, "She probably didn't even understand you"

_Why don't you roll over and die already? Just save me the misery._ Suddenly, Mikan wished everybody was dead.

Hours later in detention, Mikan didn't pout as she used to, she had stopped doing that 3 years ago, aged 15, but instead she sat there quietly, and stared at the clock.

**"Why won't you act even a little friendly to me!?" an eleven-year-old Mikan pouted at an eleven-year-old Hotaru.**

**Hotaru's expressionless face stared at her, "Because you're an idiot"**

**3:30, lunch time's passed.**

**"You're not even my real friend" Hotaru said to her, twelve years old both of them.**

4:15, dinner's closing in.

**"I don't get why all of you are so mean to me!" Mikan whined one day at school, a thirteen-year-old girl in tears.**

**"Will you stop crying, you're annoying me" Natsume growled.**

**5:25, dinner's really close.**

**"Will you stop!?" Mikan yelled to the classroom one day, fourteen years old and really shaken.**

**"Oh, what a cry-baby!" Sumire snorted.**

6:00, detention's over.

"Detention's over" Mikan whispered in an eerie voice, her eyes lifelessly focused on the clock. When the door opened, her face had transformed into the picture of cheerfulness.

Narumi stared at her happily, "Mikan, detention's over"

"Will I get dinner now?" Mikan asked eagerly, even though she didn't feel at all hungry.

"Sure you will!"

As she sat dining in the nearly empty cafeteria, she felt like throwing up every bit of her food.

Since her entry into Alice Academy 8 years ago, Mikan had become much more attractive. She didn't tie ponytails anymore, instead keeping her long hair flowing, tying some of it back from her face. The hairstyle was pretty simple. And she had become much taller, taller than most of the other girls and really in shape.

She was thin, but not too thin, something of an hourglass figure. And though she was really simple and stayed mostly away from make-up, she was still naturally pretty. Guys who had eyes tallied her immediately, and usually they would stare at her and admire her. But around the classroom they were still despicably mean.

She took another bite of carrots and peas. She hated that dish, particularly the boiled carrots, but somehow it was always served to her, even though she had accumulated two stars now. It's probably the cafeteria people. They've always hated me. She was finished. She thrust the plate aside and put the napkin to her mouth. Moments later, she got up and started walking out, towards Central Town.

As she walked by the brightly lit stores, she found it hard to imagine that once she had been excited and happy at the prospect of coming here. What was so special? It was just a bunch of stores, whose merchandise she still could not afford because they still didn't give her enough rabbits.

But the thought didn't annoy her anymore, mostly because she didn't want to buy anything anymore. Not even candy. When she came down here occasionally, all she would do was walk around and look at other students, excited and much happier students, shop around merrily. And whenever she looked at this scene, after staring long seconds, the happy images would turn into horrific, bloody nightmares where everybody was dying on the streets.

And, momentarily, she relished. She never felt ashamed anymore about thinking these things. Why would she feel ashamed? Nobody else felt ashamed when they picked on her.

She came in front of a cheerfully decorated Florist's Shop, and she stared sullenly at the flowers. "Would you like to buy some flowers?" a rather fake, cheerful stocky man asked her, "One arrangement costs 7 rabbits"

"No, thank you" she said smilingly, though inside she felt cold and indifferent and not at all thankful for him asking her._ How could I live with myself paying so much money for flowers that will eventually wilt? I would have to be crazy._ She walked on.

In other stalls, she saw other kinds of merchandise. Most of them were pretty useless, and some of them weren't even nice to look at. And yet people are buying them. Looking at those people, she thought wryly, _They must get a lot of allowance. And they must have pretty big rooms._

When she returned to her room, she was feeling tired. Not physically tired, but mentally tired. She plopped down on her bed and kicked off her shoes. She looked around her room solemnly. It was much better than the one she had been given when she first arrived at the Academy. The bed was much more comfortable, the walls were a cream color and not clinical white, she was allowed to have posters and boards, and she also had a desk.

But she hated this room. It didn't make her feel good or comfortable. It wasn't a citadel, a haven or anything. She just didn't feel at home. Home was gone, anyway. Her grandfather had died two years ago. It only added more pain, this feeling of not belonging, to her dull, blank angry existence.

Closing her eyes, she took a deep, futile breath. Then she slowly laid herself down on her bed, and drifted off to a dreamless sleep, like she always had for the past three years.

After all, she had to stand the pain of tomorrow morning.

End of Chapter

I really don't feel like explaining much I'm just trying to practice my writing more. I'm better than before, though, and now I feel really proud of my fics. Before I used to cringe. I've already released two stories, The Gargoyle and Remains of a Broken Soul. This is my third since coming back onto the Internet circle. I intend to write some more stories. I've already got two storylines swirling in my head. If this fic seemed a bit rushed, I apologize. This came in a real flurry. (And yes, I might be hazy about the baka gun. Was it the punching thing or the one that flung Mikan into the sky?)


	2. Chapter 2

Let Go

Disclaimer: I don't own Alice Academy or anything associated with it. I'm merely a fan who also happens to be somewhat creative in the writing field.

Chapter Two: A Boy Named Jimmy

That morning, after class, Mikan sat quietly in the garden area of Alice Academy. She was seated on a bench amidst a lot of flowers and trees. The grass was an earthly green and there was a huge blue sky overhead. It was a beautiful day.

It's so pleasant sitting here, alone, with no one else, Mikan thought, a small smile gracing her lips, a true smile, Why can't everything always be like this? Why can't I be alone forever? Just sitting here in the garden and enjoying a beautiful day? All alone. With nobody bothering or teasing me. Why can't everybody leave me alone like this?

The blank curtain of darkness donned every time she had company. She would have to act all cheerful and whiny and annoyingly happy. She never could be simply content in front of others. They would expect her to be overtly jovial, they would want her to act like that because they liked to make fun of her.

And she could never tell them what she thought of them. If they knew what she was thinking, the kind of horrible situations she imagined them to be in, they would recoil in horror. Images of blood-splattered walls, gore, corpses flashed through her head. She would imagine Sumire's mutilated body lying at the foot of her bed and Mr. Jinno's detached head on his desk.

And she would smile inwardly. If only those images became true in life. Why can't they all just die?

She sat there, sighing contentedly. The sun was shining brightly on her. Grandpa had always said that was a good sign.

"Because when the sun shines on you, it means God really likes you. And then good things will start happening"

Will they, though? Does God really like me?

At night, she started towards her room. The woods were dark. It had once been scary for Mikan to go through them. She remembered, at a very early time, Natsume challenging her to go into the woods alone and face the great, frightening 'Mr. Bear'. How about now, big boy?

Over the course of the years, around the time Mr. Bear's creator passed away, he and Mikan had become somewhat good friends. She liked him because he was always quiet, and he liked her because she didn't treat him like a monster. They would sit together on the log, he occasionally sweeping with his broom. Mostly though, they would stare at the stars, and the little conversations they had sometimes were about the midnight sky.

She was near the building. She started humming under her breath.

"Going home?" an amused voice asked from behind her.

Her face transformed into a joyful mask, "Natsume! What are you doing here so late!"

Natsume was leaning against a tree, his face passive. He stared at her.

"I'm always out late" he said.

Doing what, exactly?

"I should be asking you that question though" he said wryly, "What's the Academy Idiot doing wandering outside in the middle of the night?"

Mikan thought of retorting with 'Out fucking' but she substituted, pouting, "Can't you stop teasing me!"

Natsume scoffed, "Why? Does the Idiot have a problem being addressed as one?"

Why aren't you dead yet?, "Hmmph! You're impossible!" Mikan ran into the building.

In her room, Mikan dropped into her desk chair, her mind presenting awful images of death and destruction. She half-smiled maniacally, but it was halted by a conscious tiredness. She felt terrible, emotionally exhausted, like she couldn't carry on dealing anymore.

Oddly, her heart was pained.

How was it that she had never felt this before? This awful fatigue that almost threatened to disrupt her mental balance? How was it, she thought appalled, that she had hidden all of these feelings inside her, and pretended to be a cheerful, carefree young girl? How was it that her inner voice expressed these feelings and she acted so brilliantly that nobody caught a whiff of them?

Mikan felt a turmoil boiling up inside her. She couldn't go on like this. She would explode one day. Either she needed help or she had to stop pretending. And she couldn't stop pretending. She could never. The feelings inside her were too horrid, the images in her head too gruesome, to be revealed. She could never stop this fa ade; never.

What she needed was help, real help.

The next day, Mikan was up early, but she purposefully stalled herself and came in late. She was punished again and given detention by Mr. Jinno. Of course, the time in the classroom passed like it always did, with Hotaru giving her a baka gun treatment, and her classmates teasing her.

By the time she got out of detention, she was exhausted again. She walked silently through the courtyard, wearily looking at passersby. There were students all over the place and she wordlessly imagined all of them getting slaughtered mercilessly.

This day was sunny. Clouds lined the bright, blue sky. People enjoyed themselves on days like these, but Mikan felt empty. Why did they do this to me? What had I ever done to them? While she stared at the sky, a young boy, about fifteen, started walking beside her. He looked flushed and he was walking unusually fast. When Mikan looked at him, she thought What's the matter with him? He looked like he was being chased by a wolf.

Slowly, he came closer to her, and whispered in her ear, "Hey, can you do me a favor?"

Mikan stopped short, surprised, "Excuse me?"

"I have some things on me that aren't allowed into the Academy. Can you hold on to them until I get patted down?" he was desperate.

Mikan hesitated. What thing did he have with him that would ensure a throttle by the Alice Academy? Should she help him out? What if he runs off and I get caught with it? What then?

"I don't even know you "

"Listen" he begged, "Please, just take'em. I'll even pay you for it! Promise! You won't even get into any trouble. A nice girl like you obviously won't have anything to do with something like this. The administrators won't even look at you. Please!" He was badly in trouble.

Mikan, reluctantly, whispered back, "Okay, I'll do it" He grabbed her hand and put something in it, and then he quickly walked off. She looked down at her palm. There were three small bags there. They were filled with some kind of white substance. Are these drugs

Her mouth dropped open. The guy had left her with drugsDammit! When will I stop getting tricked all the time? That guy probably left me with these with the idea that I'll get caught with them and he'll run off! That's probably what'll happen!

For the rest of the day, even though Mikan put the bags safely in her desk drawer, she felt ill and angry. That idiot didn't even tell me! I'll murder him!...If I even see him again. I got screwed so bad! She cursed herself.

At around midnight, though, there was a light tap on her door. Mikan, muttering angrily, went and opened it. Standing there was the same boy who had given her the drugs for safekeeping.

He said gratefully, "Hey! Thanks a lot for keeping them with you. I was afraid all day. May I come in?"

"Sure"

He came in and looked around, "They kept me in the interrogation room all afternoon. You won't believe how many times they patted me down. It was like they knew I had something with me. Did you get a suspicious look?"

"No" Mikan thought, I was surprised I didn't. Usually they'll do anything to get me.

"You saved my ass. Thank you very much, Miss ?"

"Mikan"

"Mikan. That's a pretty name" he said.

Pretty, huh? "Thank you, and can I ask yours?"

"Why not? My name's Jimmy Kinta. I'm a Psychic type. I can sense other people's anger"

A psychic who can sense when you're angry? "Nice to meet you, Jimmy. Can you possibly tell me what a sensible guy like you is doing trotting around with drugs?" Mikan asked critically.

"Oh man Well, I sell drugs. There's no surprise there" he rushed on when she raised her eyebrows questioningly, "I mean, many students here in Alice really need some kind of a distraction " You got that right "And drugs usually give it to them. This place is real hard to get through. They put all these premiums and levels for everyone, y'know? They set the bar sky-high"

"Drugs are dangerous"

"I know. They're really addictive too. But, what can I do? I'm a no-star here. I need money to get by. So, I sell these drugs. Usually to Three star students. They have real pressures, y'know?"

Mikan asked, slightly appalled, "Do you do drugs?"

Jimmy said sheepishly, "I have to. The life of a no-star is absolutely no good. They give you a lot of responsibilities for nothing in return. Plus, y'know, I have my drug peddling thing to cover up. It just gets really hard"

How many lives has this Academy destroyed?

"Okay. Now you have your drugs, so you should leave" Mikan said, trying to put the thing out of her mind.

"Yeah I should. Hey, thanks a lot, by the way. If I can ever return the favor, I live on the third floor, Middle School division, room 305" Jimmy pocketed the drugs and left.

The next day, class happened as usual. Mikan entered after a furious session outside the door with Mr. Jinno and then tried to hug Hotaru. Then she went to her desk and sat down. "They set the bar sky-high"

Sumire said in her usual snotty manner, "Why, look how she fell" the others in the class room laughed.

Mikan's hands tightened into fists and suddenly an image flashed into her head. Sumire was on the floor of the empty classroom, being hacked to pieces.

She was screaming, "Help! HELP! Please! No! STOPPP! HELP!!!"

And then the knife came down on her throat, severing her head from her body.

Why can't that happen in real life? Mikan said, whining, "Shut up!"

Mr. Jinno came in and hushed everybody, "Quiet, quiet down!" Everybody did so. He stared stonily at his classroom, stopping to give Mikan a slightly contemptuous look, and began his lessons. Don't worry, your face doesn't appeal to me either.

At the beginning, the class was studying and Mr. Jinno asked competent students questions about certain parts of mathematics, telling them to add-up numbers and quizzing them each. Finally, he turned to Mikan. He asked her to multiply 31 to 4. Everybody turned to look at her like it was an interesting street drama.

Mikan smirked inwardly. Though she knew the correct answer 124 she would not utter it. She liked to see their stupid faces when they heard her say a wrong answer to Mr. Jinno; they were always lit up with bright smirks, "Uh .104?"

Mr. Jinno scoffed and looked at her coldly, "Incorrect"

Everybody in the classroom started snickering. Snicker, snicker, assholes. 124 are the years it'll take for all of you to graduate.

Then, hours later in the hallway of classrooms, as she walked along to get to the cafeteria, Mikan came face to face with Natsume. He was leaning on a wall, his hands thrust inside his pocket, his 'group' absent from the scene.

"Natsume, what are you doing here?" Mikan asked curiously, "Don't you want to get to the cafeteria in time for lunch?"

His voice was a low growl, "I don't want lunch"

"Why?" Don't you have important vitals to take care of, my friend?

"That's none of your business!"

Damn right, it isn't, "Hmph! All I wanted to do was help you!"

"Well you're not, so get lost!"

Get lost!? Who the hell do you think you are?, "Fine! I will!" she stormed out from the hall, suddenly feeling unsteadiness in her legs. Idiot!

End of Chapter

Okay, for short: This chapter was sucky and useless. I didn't introduce any major plotlines in here, the writing also stank. And Jimmy's character was vague and pretty pathetic.

I can't promise anything, but I'll try harder on the next chapter. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Let Go: Chapter 3**

**A few things I should tell you first:**

**1) Whatever you do, this story isn't telling you to do drugs. They're bad.**

**2) In fact, the whole MORAL of this story is pretty much going to be how drugs desroy your life. (Sorry, Creativesmurph, is that's not the way you intended the story to go.**

**3) I've never done drugs, and hopefully never will. (I am WAY younger than you may think I am!) Anything I write about while Mikan is high is a total guess.**

**4) Yeah, you should REALLY not do drugs.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gakuen Alice.**

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The next, painful day was the same as usual for Mikan.

Come late to class. Get detention.  
Try to hug Hotaru. Get hit by the Baka gun.  
Fall down. Be teased and insulted by Sumire and Natsume.

By the time she had finished her carrots-and-peas dinner. Mikan's mind was bursting with morbid images. Natsume being hanged; then dropped onto poisonous spines. Hotaru, scorched by living fire. Sumire being squashed by spikes. Sumire's screams of pleading of torment. Sumire's look of terror and surprise as she saw her, about to hack her to pieces with a sharp, bloody knife.

Oh, how she HATED Sumire!

It was getting harder and harder to keep up her personality, harder to pretend to be Miss-stupid-but-cheerful. She needed help. Maybe...

Drugs.

That's it. If I'm high all day, would I really care if people insult me or trip me, or hit me with a baka gun? No. Now where's that Jimmy.

Mikan was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't notice Jimmy bump into her.

"Ow! I'm sorr- Oh, hi Mikan!"

"Wha? Hello Jimmy!" Said Mikan, quickly snapping out of her trance and putting on her cheerful façade.

"Are you okay, Miss Mikan? I thought I just sensed you go angry about something..."

"No, no, I'm okay. Listen, why don't we take a walk? I haven't been having a very good day... and I need to talk to you about something." For a moment Mikan's mind wandered off again. How much longer until she snaps? How much longer until she ends up screaming to the heavens how much she hated them all?

"Yeah, I'm good with that. You know, really owe you for-" Jimmy answered.

"It was nothing!" Mikan said quickly. "Come on, let's go."

"So Jimmy, what class are you in?" Mikan asked, trying to spark a conversation.

"Eh, it changes. Lots of the people hate me here, just because I'm a no-star. I think the next one I'm moving to is yours."

"Really? That's great!" It could be easier to hook up a deal with him this way.

Mikan and Jimmy talked about random things until they ended up walking along the Northern forest. It wasn't long until a group of boys came up to 'talk' to Jimmy . . .

"Hey, No-star, what are you doing here? This place is OUR turf, you know." One of them jeered.

"Yo, how'd did a loser like you bag a girl like her?" another guy asked. "Hey sweet cakes, why don't you ditch this bimbo an' come with us?"

A third, taller boy swung a punch at him. "You better stay out of here, No-star or else I'm gonna-"

"Hey!" Mikan suddenly said. She had snapped. All the guys, including Jimmy, stared at her sudden outburst. "You guys just leave us alone, before I break your freaking necks! Dear GOD!"

After the guys freaked out and hightailed it out of there, Jimmy let out a sigh, turning to Mikan. "That's twice I owe you. Now you know how hard it is to be me. If I wasn't high whenever I wasn't being tortured, I probably have committed suicide by now. It-it's hard."

Mikan sighed although she was still pretty tired; it was a relief to let out some steam. "Yeah, Jimmy, about that . . . can I do some business with you?"

"Wait, WHAT? Is this what you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Yeah. I want to buy drugs off you." No point in being subtle. "It's hard for me, too, you know."

" . . . Ohh-kay. W-what do you want?"

"What, you didn't know a 'sweet, innocent girl' like me would need drugs? Oh, and uh, weed I guess."

" . . . Alright then." Jimmy answered uneasily. Tell you what, to make up the favours I owe you, I'll cut the price in half for you, okay?"

"That's great!" Mikan answered. "Hey, same time tomorrow, okay?"

About an hour later, Mikan started to make her way back to her room, bag in hand, trying her best to avoid Natsume.

If I could just get past him without being seen...

No such luck.

"Hey Polka, what are you doing out so late?"

"Nothing!" I could ask the same thing to you, you sneaky son of -

"You look like you're hiding something, Polka."

Dang! How does he know? "Aw, just mind your own business, Natsume! I just got lost after walking with Jimmy, that's all."

"Pfft. What, is he your boyfriend?"

"None of your business!"

_It's DEFINITELY none of your business._ Mikan thought as she backed away. Natsume was getting a jealous gleam in his eye...

A few minute later Mikan finally managed to shake off Natsume and get to her room. Following the instructions Jimmy gave her, she smoked, lying on her bed to wait for the drugs to take affect.

Any time now...

Suddenly her mind started to fill with images; people dying, meaningless swirls, shapes swirling around in a colourful nightmare. It was like her visions of death had increased ten-fold, filling her with a buzz.

She loved it.

If I used this in the morning, while she went through class and detention... the whole day could fly away in a breeze...

She fell asleep, for once in about 7 years not dreading tomorrow.

End of Chapter

Bleh, that sorta sucked. I think it was okay at the beginning, but then fell apart at the point they went for a walk. Writing fanfics are hard!  
Anyway, thank you Creativesmurph for letting me adopt your fic, I'm sorry if I've butchered it into un-imaginable REVIEW! Come on, just press the button...

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**Bleh, that sorta sucked. I think it was okay at the beginning, but then fell apart at the point they went for a walk. Writing fanfics are hard!**  
**Anyway, thank you Creativesmurph for letting me adopt your fic, I'm sorry if I've butchered it into un-imaginable REVIEW! Come on, just press the button...**  
**-**

**Bleh, that sorta sucked. I think it was okay at the beginning, but then fell apart at the point they went for a walk. Writing Fanfic is hard!**  
**Anyway, thank you Creativesmurph for letting me adopt your fic, I'm sorry if I've butchered it into un-imaginable REVIEW! Come on, just press the button...**


	4. Chapter 4

**Let go: Chapter 4**

**Hi, I'm back! Wow, I'm on a roll.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gakuen Alice. I fact, before I didn't even own this fic! Many thanks to Creativesmurph who:**

***Let me adopt "Let Go"**

***And whose Username I've FINALLY managed to spell without help. XD**

**I apologize for the shortness of the chapters; the ones I write are about only half as long as the ones Creativesmurph wrote.**

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Mikan woke up feeling... different. Happy.

_I feel happy? That's a first in 7 years._

Just then she just remembered the deal she had made with Jimmy.

_Of course, the drugs. Would they really help me?_

_I suppose that's what I'm about to find out._ She thought as she reached her bag of weed.

Rolling up a joint, she breathed in the smoke for a few minutes, letting herself be lost in her own fantasy.

A few hours later, a slightly dizzy but perfectly cheerful Mikan was late for class. Again.

"Late again, Mikan? Of course, you always are! DETENTION." Jinno screamed at her.

_Blah, blah, blah, whatever. I'll just sleep in detention._

"Fine." Mikan flounced over to Hotaru, and hugged her.

"Hello Hotaru!"

BAKA!

BAKA!

BAKA!

Hotaru shot her with the baka gun.

"Give it up already!" Hotaru scowled.

_Oh, you're all just talk. With your inventions and blah, blah, blah._

"Anyway, Happy Halloween everyone!" Mikan shouted to the class.

BAKA!

Another shot. "Stop embarrassing me." Hotaru groaned.

Today was Halloween, and the whole school had a free day to enjoy the attractions; a haunted house, a costume contest . . .

Normally, Mikan would have hated this day. She hated dragging her 'friends' all over the school. Hated looking at the stupid costumes of fairies and animals. Hated squealing at everything that moved in the haunted house, grabbing anybody's hand at no notice. With a buzz in her head, though, she felt ready to display any amount of false cheerfulness, disorientated or not.

"Come on, I wanna go to the costume contest first!" Mikan said excitedly, grabbing Ruka, Hotaru, and Natsume. "Let's vote on the cutest one!"

**3 hours later...**

"Dear God, if I see another Hello Kitty costume again..." Ruka groaned.

"You won't have to; we're going to the haunted house now! Eek! I can't wait." Mikan squealed.

"You can't wait to scream like a 7-year-old and grab someone's arm like nobody's business?" Hotaru asked. "Because I'm bringing along my new Baka cannon. It could blow your face off if you're not careful."

_Pfft, you and your inventions. Why don't you invent something that doesn't have the word baka in it?_

The three entered the house, and two minutes in, Mikan screamed, "OMG it's a skeleton!" grabbing Hotaru's arm.

BAKA!

"Idiot!"

This pattern continued until they got halfway through the house.

_Haha, this is fun. I get to see all the pretty pictures!_

They were looking at a swinging axe that rose in height, left, right, up, down. While the other two moved on, Mikan stared at it transfixed. Normally she wouldn't bothered by something that was probably a crudely carved piece of wood, but she felt the thing was strangely magic.

_It's so pretty._ She thought dreamily. _It's just like one of those sparkly pendants I saw in the jewelry shops . . ._

She was so transfixed that she didn't notice the rope slowly breaking.

CRASH! The axe fell right where Mikan was standing only an instant before.

"Dammit, Mikan! Are you too dumb to defend yourself?" Natsume shouted in frustration, running over.

The rope had snapped, and the axe fell. Mikan was too distracted to realize that it was coming right at her, until it was too late for her to save herself. Ruka pushed her out of the way, but not before her ankle was hit by a piece of the debris.

"Huh? Ruka?" The incident had snapped her out of her drug induced stupor, and her eyes squeezed shut in pain. "Ow . . ."

Dammit! If I hadn't taken those drugs, I would have been able to get away in time. Now I have busted ankle to look forward all week.

Ruka got up, unhurt.

"Your ankle. It looks broken."

_NO DUH._

Ruka scooped her up in his arms. "I'm going to take you to the infirmary, alright? Try not to move."

"Okay. Th-thanks, Ruka . . ." Sniffled Mikan.

_I can't believe everybody saw that! Dear God, if anyone figures out I've been taking drugs because of that . . ._

That was the last thing she thought of before she passed out from the pain.

"Mikan! Are you up yet?"

Mikan opened her eyes to find herself looking at Ruka. "Wha? Yeah, I'm up Ruka-Pyon."

_I am now. Hasn't anyone told you to let sleeping dogs lie?_

"Good. I was getting worried you had gotten a concussion." Ruka said, letting out a nervous laugh.

Mikan almost scowled. Since the drugs had worn off, she hadn't been in a good mood. "Eh, it's okay. I'm not going to faint anytime soon."

"And, there's something I'd like to ask you..."

_Shoot._

"Your ankle is going to heal in about 3 days. That's Saturday. If you want, I could take you to someplace to eat. You know, to celebrate. Just the two of us."

_Hah. As if I'd go out on a date with you. But still, this is a chance for a dinner without carrots or peas._

"Okay."

"Great. It's a date." Ruka smiled at Mikan. In spite of herself, Mikan smiled back. "Now go to sleep, you need your rest."

The last thing Mikan thought of was that all day she didn't have a single urge to kill anyone.

**o.O.o**

Natsume stalked the perimeter of his room, muttering to himself.

"Something's not right with Mikan. She may be an idiot, but she should have had enough sense to get out of the way of the ax. In fact, all day she seemed to be in some sort of daze . . . what is going on with her? There's something wrong with her, I know it."

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**Dun dun duuuuuuuhhhhh! What happens next?**

**You may not find out for a while because even I don't know!**

**Also, March break resolution: Stop using "..." !**

**REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!**

**Come on, just push the button!**


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm BACK!**

**I think this is my longest chapter yet, besides this bold bit and the one at the bottom.**

**Okay, first I'm going to boo myself before you do (BOO! YOU SUCK!) because this fic isn't going to be Mikan x Natsume. Mikan [sort of] gets into a relationship with Ruka, but I'm afraid it won't last.**

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Three days later, Mikan woke up in her room feeling like crap. Today was Saturday. Today she was going on a 'date' with Ruka, and she was starting to get nervous. Nervous, that she would mess up on her façade of blissfulness. Smoke or not to smoke, was the question.

_Last time I used them, I ended up getting in THIS mess. They might end up arousing higher suspicions . . . especially from that snoop Natsume._

She started to reach for her bag of weed, but stopped short.

_Nah, it's not worth it. I shouldn't bring it along either, or a certain pain-in-the-butt with a fire alice might see it._

She and Ruka had decided on an Italian place to celebrate her healed ankle. She would have gotten more time if she let it heal naturally, but no, Ruka convinced Hotaru's older brother to use his healing alice on her. Now, instead of several weeks of thinking excuses to get out of their date, she was going to eat in a public restaurant in Central town, with a guy who carries a bunny around half the time. JOY.

_God, it's almost as if he's trying to get me embarrassed as soon as possible! What's he going to do? Push me? Put spaghetti on my head?_

_Now, what to wear?_

After several different outfits, she decided on wearing a white dress with plastic raindrops hand off the edge. Simple and innocent. Just like what would be expected form her.

As Mikan walked to the POD (Or place of date, as she called it) she wondered.

_Why? Why would one of the most popular boys in school want to do out with me? I know we've known each other for years, but still, I'm the scapegoat! The class idiot. What would he want from me?_

4 hours later, Mikan was standing, shifting nervously from foot to foot, waiting for her date to pick her up.

_And certainly no peas or carrots._

She thought wryly. Just as she finished the amusing thought, she saw a sleek, black car pull up in front of her. Ruka got out, wearing a black tie, white shirt, and black pants with a belt.

"Hey Mikan! You look great, nice dress."

"Thanks, Ruka! You're looking pretty dapper yourself." Mikan put on a smile as fake the raindrops on her dress.

_As if! You're not going too the prom, it's a simple date! Talk about overdoing it! Yeesh, you'd think this was your last date. Then again, maybe it is._

Walking into the restaurant, they waited to be seated by a bored looking waiter who spoke in a drawling tone. He had no nametag, so Mikan decided to, in her mind, call him Boring.

"Come right this way, please." Boring said, inching over to Mikan and Ruka.

The waiter led to a small table with two seats and a basket of slightly stale bread on top.

"Now, would you like anything to drink? Coke? Tea? Cow urine soft drink?" He continued sarcastically.

"Um, coke for both us would be fine." Ruka told him.

_Believe it or not, Ruka, there is a cow urine soft drink coming out. If you looked in a newspaper for once instead of having your butt stuck on some oversized animal's head, you would have heard of the by now._

As the waiter went to fetch their drinks, Ruka leaned over the table to whisper to her, "I guess what they taught us in science was completely wrong. Approaching the speed in light doesn't slow down time, approaching him does." he said, pointing to Boring.

Mikan laughed. That was actually funny! She was still laughing, 30 seconds later, when Boring had come back with the cokes.

"Have you made any decisions on what you would like to eat?" Boring asked.

"Um . . . " Mikan looked quickly at her menu. The sooner she could decide, the sooner she could get this whole thing over with. "I'll have the spaghetti special."

"Me too." Ruka concluded.

"Might I suggest the Spaghetti special advance? It's the same size as two regulars, but two dollars cheaper." Boring went on.

"That sounds nice." Ruka told Boring cheerfully. "Heh. We can eat from the same dish like in Lady and the Tramp.

_Wow, you REALLY like animals. Still, that's not a bad thing._

"So Ruka, have you ever really," Mikan said, gesturing to their general surroundings, "Ever done this? The restaurants, the clothes, etcetera, etcetera." Ruka tried to hide a blush, but Mikan saw it.

"No, not really." admitted Ruka. "But it's not everyday you nearly get crushed by a falling axe, either. I mean, what were you, high?"

_Oh dang, not you, too._

"Pfft, no." Mikan almost started to squirm, but succeeded in staying still.

After a minutes of silent eating, Mikan to decided to go out with it.

"So why did you do it?" Mikan questioned him.

"Mph?" Ruka's mouth was still full. While Mikan was giggling, he swallowed.

"You know why. To celebrate your healed ankle."

"Yeah, but why else? Tons of other people had gotten bones broken, but as far as I know, you haven't taken them to Italian restaurants to 'celebrate'."

Mikan countered, trying to look innocent. Not very easy when you're grilling someone else for information.

Ruka sighed.

Finally, the moment of truth.

"Mikan, we've been friends for what? 7 years?"

"Eight, actually. Go on."

"Okay. we've been friends for eight years. Just friends. I've just come to think if we could be - you know- get to know each other more. You're a cheerful, carefree girl who I feel I should spend more time with. We've got two years to talk to each other, I mean REALLY talk to each other, and I just figured I'd start now."

_Ahaha. If only you knew._

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**Ahaha. If only you knew.**

**There's chapter 5! (Please don't kill me!)**

**Remember to read and Review! I'm sorry if anyone thinks I did a crappy job just 'cuz it's not M X N.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Let Go: Chapter 6**

**Wow, I'm on a roll. Anyway, this is the bit where we deepen Mikan's relationship with Ruka. Again I'm asking you not to kill me because, well...**

**I plan to blow it to bits afterward.**

**There, I said it! *hides under the desk***

**Mikan is just not destined to find a boyfriend in this relationship, okay? Anyways, enjoy!**

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Ruka looked away from Mikan's face awkwardly, trying not to blush.

Neither of them noticed Boring come up to them, and they both flinched when they heard him speak.

"Is there anything else you would like? Or are you ready to pay?" Boring asked.

"Um, er, no, we're done. I can pay in check." Ruka stammered.

_Hmph. He may be slightly irritating, and a whole lot naive, but Ruka's pretty cute when he stammers._

_Wait, did I just think that? Oh, God, this isn't happening._

After paying the check, Ruka got up to leave. "Well, I had a very good time tonight, Mikan."

After pretending to think about the last half hour, Mikan answered, "You know what? I think I did too."

As they exited the restaurant, Ruka and Mikan heard a familiar voice come up from behind them.

"Ruka? What are you doing with her?"

They had bumped into Sumire, laden with bags that Mikan suspected were filled with useless objects.

"Er, I was just taking Mikan out for dinner, Sumire. No biggie."

Sumire frowned. Although over the years she had given up on trying to be Natsume's boyfriend, Ruka was someone she wasn't going to let go too easily. "She's the class clown!"

"Well, she hurt her ankle, and I just felt sorry for her, that's all."

Sumire didn't let Ruka say anything else as she simply turned and flounced past Mikan, hissing, "What does he see in you?"

_More than YOU, that's for sure_.

Mikan almost immediately went back to fantasizing about Sumire's torture.

**Christmas Eve**

Christmas had come. A time for joy, happiness . . .

and one of the worst holidays for Mikan.

At Christmas, Mikan had to act even more joyful than normal. Only with Jimmy did she really act like herself. Though Mikan had stopped taking drugs since she started hanging out with Ruka, Jimmy was still a good friend, someone to talk to.

"Christmas is coming up, and I'll have to start acting extra excited." Mikan sighed. "Sometimes, I hardly remember why I bother. It's habit, I guess."

"Mhm. I'm not going to lie and say it's going to be easy, but sometimes, you just have to suck it up. Be strong!"

"Heh. I'm just glad I could talk to you, Jimmy. You're about the only person I can talk to without imagining hacking you to pieces."

Jimmy let out a nervous chuckle. "Just remember, Mikan, I'll always be there for you to talk to."

"Huh, I guess so." Mikan answered. "Ah well. Was nice talking to you. Bye Jimmy! See you tomorrow!"

"You too, Mikan." Jimmy called back, looking relieved for some reason.

Mikan got back to her room, exhausted. She flopped onto the bed, and promptly went to sleep. She had a big day tomorrow.

**Christmas Day**

Mikan stared at the huge tree looming over her.

"It's just too huge." She murmured.

"Ay, Mikan, are you going to stare at that tree all day? Every year, you gape at it like the idiot you are." Youichi whined, tugging at Mikan's arm. Although Youichi had grown quite a bit, at 10 years old, he still acted like a three-year-old sometimes. "Come on, ugly. I want to go see Mr. Bear."

"Okay, okay." Mikan let herself be dragged by Youichi, still pretending to be distracted by the tree.

Walking though the forest, Mikan shouted, "Hi, Mr. Bear! How are you doing today?" Only to be answered by being flung into a tree by a perfectly executed uppercut. "Ah, hah, I see you're doing well. I'm just going to leave you to play with Youichi, bye!"

Mikan then warily inched away.

_Ugh, that doll is creepy. I'm glad to get away from that . . . thing. Oh, shoot, I'm going to be late for the dance. Whatever will I do?_

She ran off to her room to dress.

The second time that week, Mikan was in a dress. A dress she happened to hate.

_Who the heck dresses like frickin' fairies and angels anymore?_

Once she got to the ballroom, everyone already seemed to have a partner. Hotaru was waltzing around with her brother. Jimmy was nowhere in sight. Natsume...

"Oi, Christmas tree." Natsume said from behind her.

Mikan resisted the urge to punch him and shrieked to Natsume, "Pervert! How do you always-"

"Whatever. I just wanted to dance with you. It's not my fault a simple "hey" won't get through your thick skull."

Mikan was about considering putting something through his thick skull, but too late. Natsume had already grabbed her waist and hand, twirling her around.

After a few minutes of dizzying spinning however, Ruka tapped Natsume on the shoulder.

"Ahem."

Natsume paused.

"Mind if I cut in?" Ruka asked.

" . . . I guess not." Natsume gave Mikan up, though a little reluctantly.

"You don't mind me taking you from him, do you?" Ruka whispered to Mikan.

Mikan beamed at Ruka. "Not at all."

As they twirled around, Mikan inwardly smirked at Sumire, as she glared at her from across the ballroom.

". . . just taking pity on her . . ." Sumire grumbled.

The rest of the night almost went too quickly for Mikan. As she and Ruka danced the night away, she felt truly happy. Natsume didn't bother her. Sumire didn't bother her. And for once, she didn't need drugs to be happy.

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**Audience: Awww...**

**Me: It's not going to last.**

**Audience: Throws rotten tomatoes.**

**Me: Ah! *drowns in tomatoe sludge***

**Anyway, REVIEW! If I don't get reviews, I'm not writing more chapters, since I'll assume you aren't reading anymore.**

**P.s. Don't forget to read my other fanfiction! If you don't get the plot at all, it doesn't matter, review anyways!**

**(Yes, I get my ads in where I can.)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Nope, I'm not dead! And no, my writing hasn't improved yet. (DX)**

**I'm sorry; the plot is so horribly messed up, so I'm going to summarize what has happened so far.**

**1) Mikan is cheerful on the outside, but bitter (and a slight potty mouth) on the inside.**

**2) She meets Jimmy, a no-star who deals drugs.**

**3) She decides, to maintain her happy idiocy, to buy drugs from Jimmy.**

**4) She uses weed on Halloween, but is injured as part of a haunted house nearly kills her.**

**5) To celebrate her healed ankle, Ruka takes Mikan out for dinner in central town. All the while, Natsume grows suspicious of Mikan . . .**

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On January first, it was Mikan's birthday.

"Happy New Year, Hotaru!" Mikan shouted to Hotaru as she once again tried to wrap her arms around her.

BAKA!

"Will you ever quit it?"

_Cold hearted witch. Ugh. Why didn't I smoke today?_

Ever since she had started to hang out with Ruka, she hadn't touched her bag of weed. She hadn't felt the need to. Ruka seemed to keep her calm, happy. Unfortunately, it was her birthday. Unfortunately, her birthday was one of the one days of the year she HATED.

_Every year, I have to act all sad and mopey, because everyone forgot my birthday, AGAIN. No one ever remembers! Boo hoo!_

Over the years, Mikan's friends had gradually forgotten Mikan's birthday. Mikan was a scapegoat, nothing more. There wasn't any point in celebrating. After all, she was just a scapegoat. Scapegoats didn't need birthday parties, especially ones as stupid and clueless as Mikan.

Jinno glared at her when she walked in, immediately shouting at her for being late. No special treatment for Mikan. She wouldn't appreciate it, anyways.

". . . and detention again! Three hours this time."

Mikan sighed pathetically (or as pathetically as she could pretend) at sat down, looking depressed.

And through it all, Mikan 'moped' all day. Sighing when someone was about to say something to her, only to just shout something at her. "Watch it, dumbass!".

"Happy birthday, Mikan!" said a voice behind her. (It seems lots of voices were coming from behind her lately.) Spinning around for the third time that week, found herself face-to-face with Ruka.

"Oh. Thanks Ruka!" Mikan beamed at him. As Ruka walked away from her however, she heard someone hiss, "He's only giving the bimbo special treatment because he feels sorry for her. Idiot Mikan."

_I'm the idiot? YOU'RE the one who's stupid enough to say that in front of everyone. Go burn in hell._

Ruka was the only person to wish her a happy birthday all day. Mikan was insulted, snapped at, and given detention. By the time it was the end of the day, Mikan felt as she usually did; disappointed at a forgotten birthday on the outside, but tired, cranky, and on the verge of going serial-killer on everyone on the inside.

The usual. Of course.

Mikan sighed an agitated sigh as she stalked off to detention.

_At least I don't have to eat carrots and peas as soon. Who am I kidding, dinner always sucks, no matter what time it's at._

Mikan settled into her chair, staring vacantly at the opposite wall of the empty room. At least in detention, she didn't have to keep a stupid smile on her face. It was pretty lonely, though. Mikan dozed off, with only her thoughts of setting fire to the school to keep her company.

Mikan let herself out of the detention several hours later. No one really cared, anyways. She tiptoed out of the building, wanting to get back to her room. In a hurry to get to sleep, she was almost to her door, but didn't see Ruka round the corner.

"OW!" They both said in unison.

"Whoa, are you alright, Mikan? I was looking for you just now." Ruka grabbed Mikan's arm, helping her up.

"Huh?" Mikan said, still a little dazed. "What are you doing here anyways, Ruka? Your room is nowhere near mine."

"I'm not stalking you!" Ruka said, a little too quickly. "Today was your birthday, and I didn't have the chance to give you for present. I didn't know when you were going to be back from detention, so I uh, patrolled around your room door for a while. Heh heh. Anyways, here's your present, Mikan!" Ruka fumbled with a little velvet box, finally managing to open it, revealing a delicate-looking ring with a blood-red stone in the center, sparkling like a diamond.

"Are you proposing to me?" Mikan said dumbly.

"Uh, no, it's your birthday present. You were born in January, so the garnet is your birthstone. I thought you'd like it." Ruka, fumbling some more, slipped the ring onto Mikan's finger. Mikan turned her hand this way and that, pretending to admire it. She was never one for jewelry, but crushing Ruka's heart wasn't on her to-do list. (Getting into her room to smoke weed was.)

"Aw, it's so pretty. Thanks, Ruka!" Mikan gushed, looking up into Ruka's face.

"And err, Mikan, remember the day I took you out?"

Mikan wasn't sure what happened in the few seconds afterwards.

She hardly registered Ruka blushing...

Ruka, leaning uncomfortably close...

Ruka sliding his arms around her waist...

It was like a crudely made slideshow. In one frame, Mikan was still looking into Ruka's face. In the next, Ruka's mouth was on her's, kissing her, and what was freaking her out was she was liking it. She felt an urge to slap him... but didn't.

_Oh my god, this is just-_

Without thinking, Mikan's arms seemed to curl around Ruka's neck, and the kiss turned more intense. Mikan's brain seemed to shut down, and after endless seconds, they broke apart, gasping for breath.

"Uh, wow." Ruka said, out of breath.

"Uh, huh..."

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**What have I done?**

**Anyways, this is the point I start to wonder about how Mikan will end up.**

**Will she die of a drug overdose?**

**Turn into a serial killer?**

**Vote now! (Just push the button!)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Back! Sooooo sorry for the slow update, but I have been BURIED in homework. It's tough being in school.**

**Anyhow, on with the story.**

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"What? Let me ask that again, Ruka kissed you?" Jimmy seemed at a loss for words after that.

"Yeah, he did." Mikan put her fingers to her lips and giggled. "My mouth is still tingling."

As Jimmy and Mikan babbled on, (they mentioned something about Jimmy being transferred) Natsume's blood boiled in rage. It was all he could do not to run out from behind the bushes, find Ruka, and strangle him. He had finally found out where Mikan was going after class, only to find out she was dating Ruka. When he got hold of that . . . wait, why did he care? Mikan was nothing but a bimbo. He doubted her IQ was higher than her age. Then why was he so obsessed with her?

_Hormones. Definitely._

The entire class had reached the age where everyone was getting interested with the opposite gender, doing weird things for the sake of growing up. Sneaking out to see each other. Confessing your 'love' to your crush. Natsume knew this all to well. Valentine's Day was the worst. Natsume often got mobbed. Natsume's growing obsession over this idiot was probably just a phase he would grow out of.

Still, that wouldn't stop him from making Mikan his while he was still in it. Natsume smiled, and sneaked off once more to stalk his prey.

"Bye Jimmy!" Mikan waved. Jimmy waved back and slunk off to his own room. Mikan reached for the doorknob, but stopped.

Natsume was right beside her.

"You kissed Ruka?" he accused.

Mikan squeaked, and looked at him.

"How did you know?"

Natsume didn't answer, but instead blocked her way, preventing her from running away. He held her chin up, forcing her to look at his face.

"You are mine." he hissed, "And I'll be damned if that Ruka thinks he can take you away from me."

Mikan whimpered. She definitely didn't want to stick around to see what he was going to do next. Not letting him see, she curled her arm around her back, reaching for the door knob. After groping around for a second, her hand got hold of a cold, metal disc.

Got it!

Quickly twisting the knob, she succeeded in opening the door behind her. Before Natsume knew what was happening, Mikan had stepped backwards into her room, and shut the door in his face.

_Phew._

After she had a few seconds to process what Natsume had said, it was Mikan's turn to get angry.

_So after 7 years of ignoring me, he thinks I'm 'his'? How stupid can you get? You can't just claim me like some freaking' prize!_

_I need to relax. Where's that pot I'd been hiding? God, for someone who thinks I'm annoying, he sure knows how to drive someone crazy._

Mikan started looking around her room. It wasn't much. One thing that she and Jimmy both had in common were tiny rooms. Mikan was relieved to have a single star room (being kept in that pathetic attic she used to have would have driven her crazy) but poor Jimmy was still crammed in that tiny space no-stars were expected to live in. Of course, if Mikan actually had done something to bump her up a star rank, people would get suspicious. Idiots don't usually get stars out of the blue. So, she was stuck with the same old room with the same old bed and the same old dresser and the same old tacky wall paper and . . . well, you get the idea.

She started digging around looking for the bag she had hidden earlier, looking under the bed, but didn't find it. Where it? She was starting to feel panic nipping at her insides. Had someone gone through her room and found the bag? Panic turning into full blown fear, Mikan tore the room apart until she found what she was looking for, stuck behind the dresser. Quickly opening the bag, Mikan rolled a joint as fast as she could, lighting the end. Mikan sucked in sharply, letting her problems disappear for a while.

After that, Mikan tried to stay away from Natsume; being scared and angry at him was not a good reason to be around him. Instead, she focused the familiar face that had just called her name.

"JIMMY!" Mikan rushed up to greet him, putting him in a bone-crushing hug. After some surprise, he (awkwardly) hugged back.

Hotaru and Natsume stared at Mikan.

"What, no hug for me?" Hotaru questioned.

_Oh, so NOW you're wondering. How does she care?_

"If I try to hug you, you'll just use your baka gun on me." Mikan answered, a little sadly. "Jimmy won't do that, won't you, Jimmy?"

"Err, y-yeah sure." Jimmy stuttered. _What is a baka gun anyway?_, He thought to himself

Natsume was still staring at Mikan. He was about to say something to Mikan, probably why she was on time today, but was interrupted by the bell for first period ringing.

_Saved by the bell._

"Class, today we have a new student. Now before I introduce him, you should know that he has been transferred because of trouble that his former classmates gave him. I trust that you will treat him better than they did." The teacher said.

_Translation: Don't mess with him or get in trouble._

_

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_

**Dun dun duhhh! Wait, I think I used that before. Oh well.**

**You know the drill. Review! I still have lots of options for how messed up Mikan ends up. Maybe she commits suicide. Maybe she tries to, but lives. Maybe she tries but lives. In fact I'm going to have a vote!**

**1) Mikan dies. Everyone else is sad.**

**2) Mikan tries to commit suicide, but lives anyway. Everyone else feels bad for being to cruel to her.**

**3) Mikan becomes crazy, killing everyone in sight. (Sumire will die first if this happens, I guarantee)Everyone else- well, they're dead, aren't they? They won't really fell anything.**

**Also, remember to actually give reviews! Come on there's like 29 (or more) of you reading my stories, gimme some feedback!**


	9. Chapter 9

**This new chapter is the longest I've written yet! Only one major event happens here, and the whole chapter is devoted to fleshing it out. It's either my best chapter yet or my worst, depending on your point of view of the story. My narrating skills seemed to have changed. While I've added a lot more humour to the story, is this the kind that really should have that much humour? Decide for yourself!**

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The very next day, the latest gossip spread like wild fire in Gakuen Alice.

**Fact One**: Jimmy was Mikan's new best friend, and Hotaru had been dumped.

"JIMMY!" Mikan rushed up to greet him, putting him in a bone-crushing hug. After some surprise, he (awkwardly) hugged back.

Hotaru and Natsume stared at Mikan.

"What, no hug for me?" Hotaru questioned.

_Oh, so NOW you're wondering. How does she care?_

"If I try to hug you, you'll just use your baka gun on me." Mikan answered, a little sadly. Jimmy won't do that, won't you, Jimmy?"

"Err, y-yeah sure." Jimmy stuttered. _What is a baka gun anyway?_, he thought to himself.

(He found out pretty soon after.)

**Fact two**: Mikan and Ruka were a couple. Although they had done nothing to really establish it, Natsume was *cough* kind enough to spread the rumour of what her had heard only a few days before. Several people were already talking about it. As rumours go, they were gradually twisted into different facets of how "close" they were. In some versions of Natsume's rumour, they had just begun their relationship, while in others they had already gone farther. Either way, lots of girls were talking about it.

"OH MY GOSH, I can't believe Ruka's been taken by MIKAN!"

"Really? Ah well, you know what they say. All the good looking guys are either taken or gay. Or both."

"Pfft, everyone knows that, the unbelievable part is that it's MIKAN. Isn't she the one that was stupid enough to fall out of the Christmas tree when she was 14? _And AGAIN_ only two years later? I mean, come on, Any self respecting boy wouldn't go out with HER."

"You shout too much."

"*sigh* I know."

This second fact seemed to make awful lot of people jealous. Unknown to them, Ruka and Mikan (but mostly Ruka) had several fans/stalkers. The two were a lot more desirable than they thought. Ruka's popularity as a child from being the only friend of Natsume stayed relatively the same throughout the years, but Mikan's grew slowly along with her figure. By the noon of the day two days after the rumour had spread, a group of people had formed to try separating the happy couple, meeting in a deserted class room no one used anymore. The girls thought that Mikan was too stupid to appreciate having Ruka as a boyfriend. All the boys (who weren't in her class and unaware of her annoying personality) thought that Ruka was too undeserving to have a girl like Mikan. Being popular could be harsh. The group was called Force. (The member who was best at making group names was away that day.)

Their prime objective?

Separate Mikan and Ruka at all costs.

**o.O.o**

"I can't believe an idiot like Mikan could actually be dating a guy like Ruka. Either her stupidity somehow rubbed off of her, or she slipped him a Valentine's chocolate. Sumire scowled to no one in particular. Flipping her hair dramatically, she continued to pout.

"I don't care for Ruka at all. I just want my best friend back." answered a certain technical genius, who, _obviously_, wanted her best friend back.

Heck, some people were there not there because they were jealous. The change in Mikan was, to say the least . . . unsettling. She was changing, that was for sure, but in a bad way. Instead of bubbliness and joy spreading from her in all directions, it seemed to be only directed to Mikan's best friend and her boyfriend. As a result, everyone else also felt incredibly ignored. She answered when she was talked to, but mostly ignored everyone like flies on a wall. Even her grades changed. Ruka was 'tutoring' her, and the effect was immediate. Of course, Mikan had only been letting her more brilliant side show; Ruka's tutoring was only an excuse to let it happen. It was just her little secret. And Jimmy's. They knew a lot of each other's secrets.

"Mikan Sakura.", Jinno snapped at her.

"Yes?" Mikan answered, rather calmly.

"Explain how the missing sides of these triangles equal 17." Quite unfairly enough, he had given Mikan one of the harder questions.

_Sure, go ahead and give me something a grade harder than what it is. It just makes me hate you more._

Jinno was rather surprised to find that Mikan's explanation was both thorough and correct. Out of habit, he almost shouted at her for being wrong again, and only managed to stop himself from giving her another detention. The mere idea of this was absurd.

_Mikan, the class buffoon, actually giving a correct answer?_

The chances of that happening was just about as possible as a unicorn kicking open the door, galloping inside, blowing a huge fart into his face, breaking the black board, than farting again. Since the unicorns that Gakuen alice owned were very well trained, the chances of that happening were very slim. They were so slim; in fact, he fell down in a dead faint.

He would have gone to the infirmary earlier if it weren't for the fact that everyone else, minus Jimmy, Ruka, and Mikan herself had done the exact same thing.

Lots of people didn't like the change. Mikan was drifting father apart from them, and they wanted her back. Hotaru, especially, had a hard time coping with her ex-best friend's sudden change. Mikan was HER idiot friend, and no one else's. She was using her Baka gun twice as much now. Mikan, Ruka, Jimmy. Mostly Jimmy.

What was so terribly ironic is that there was no chance of them truly getting her back, considering how they treated her, and how they'd probably continued to treat her if they did. They had lost her a long time ago. However, to this, the non-jealous portion of Force was blissfully ignorant of. If they had suffered even one tenth of Mikan what Mikan suffered, they would have left Mikan to their devices. Like Frankenstein's monster, she just wanted to be loved, but was only shunned, teased, and bullied. But they didn't. And so, Force set off to complete their single and impossible goal.

Guess who the leader was? Natsume Hyuuga. Go figure.

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**Remember, voting is still on for the ending. See the last chapter for details. It could be one, two, three, or a combination! Just push the green button and start tapping those keys!**

**You know, I'm surprised that despite all I've written, I haven't gotten a single flamer. My anonymous review setting isn't even disabled. So, thank you for the support and politeness! See you next time on "The Annoying Bold Print at the Top and Bottom of Like, EVERY Chapter"!**

**P.S. New contest: Guess my age! The answer may shock you. Hint: I'm in school. If you think preschool, aim higher!**

**P.P.S. What do you think of my new narrating style (now with more humour!)? Tell me now!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Longest chapter ever! Yay! Oh and by the way, chapters from now on are going to be mistake free, thanks to my new beta-reader, Lieutenant Sarcasm! Thank you so much!**

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After the initial shock of finding that the whole class had been eavesdropping on them, the realization of what Ruka had said sunk in. A bright smile spread across her face. "That's great!" She said, and soon it was her turn to hug the other two excessively tightly.

Mikan used to smile like that for everyone. Sigh.

After three days of practically stalking Mikan looking for secrets to blackmail/manipulate her or Ruka with, he had found NOTHING. And that whole healing alice fiasco . . . ugh. It was just a matter of time before Mikan got too attached to Jimmy and Ruka to ever let them go.

Natsume rubbed his temples and sighed again. Straining his ears, he continued listening on to their conversation.

"So how 'bout to celebrate, we go eat out tomorrow, just the three of us? My treat!" Ruka suggested.

"Sound great!" Mikan gave Ruka a quick peck on the cheek, and went back to her desk.

_"Just the three of us?" I don't think so . . ._

Mikan saw his smirk.

_What is he hiding? _She thought, glaring at Natsume in an uncharacteristic manner. Natsume gazed back.

"Um... guys? Class is starting soon." Jimmy had interrupted their glaring contest. "Shouldn't you be getting back to your desk, Mikan?"

She sighed (or was it snorted?) though her nose. "Fine." Still glaring at Natsume, she sat down in her seat, getting ready for class.

**o.O.o**

After class had ended, Natsume went back to his usual for the past few days; hiding in bushes and spying on Mikan. Right now she was standing in line for The Center In The Square, the same place Mikan and Ruka ate at around Halloween. (Apparently he liked eating out to celebrate things.) It wasn't formal or anything, more of a family restaurant where people could make overly loud toasts and sudden greetings to people across the room by standing up and shouting their names from across room . . . and where hoodies were drawn tight to your head so no one could see your face. He could see them now, laughing at some unheard joke, and then walking inside.

_Here goes nothing._

Throwing up his black hoodie, he tailed them inside.

While standing in line waiting to be seated, the happy trio talked and laughed and joked, unaware that they were being watched by a creepy guy in an unrecognizable hoodie.

"So, New Years' is coming up." Ruka stated as he stretched his arms casually above his head. "With new years there are new extracurricular activities. What do you think you wanna do?"

After a few seconds of thinking, Mikan answered. "I think I want to join the drama club. It's perfect! All three of us could join; we'd have so much fun! Who knows, we could get some good parts." While Jimmy seemed pleased with the idea, Ruka was, to say the least, scared. The last time he was in a play, he had to play Snow White, and experienced some traumatizing things while having to do it. All that, while wearing a _dress_.

Suffice to say, he wasn't quite up for it.

"Oh, come on Ruka pleeeeaaaasseeeee?" Mikan gave him her best Bambi eyes. They worked. Ruka sighed and in a slightly defeated tone, he said "Fine, you win. You're paying for my therapy sessions if I get emotionally scarred for life again, though."

Soon after they had finished laughing, they were notified that seats had opened up for them. Mikan and Ruka recognized the waiter, who had the ever present look on his face that showed he dearly wanted to be somewhere other than here.

_Hey, what do you know, it's Boring again._

Natsume considered what he heard them say. He could organize a classic Juliet/Romeo rift between the happy trio, get some members of Force to befriend Mikan, others to go for Ruka and Jimmy. Then he have them split the three apart, through a "feud" that would soon become apparent between the couple's 'friends'. If they refused to break up, Mikan, Jimmy, and Ruka would be objected to shunning from everyone in the group. A few white lies/ ugly rumours would soon get the rest of the school to turn against them as well, branding them all traitors.

To split apart or commit social suicide. That is the question.

Of course while this was all happening, Mikan would want a shoulder to cry on, wouldn't she? Someone who understood her situation, who cared for her, though he hit a rough patch with her, was willing to start over. Natsume grinned as he capped the marker he used to sign up for drama club. Above his name were Mikan's, Jimmy's Ruka's, and various members of Force, particularly many of the boys. Natsume didn't care for Force, they were merely his pawns, and he was the king.

Whether it be manipulation or otherwise, he was going to get his queen.

_Best idea ever._

**o.O.o**

_Worst. Idea. Ever._

Natsume sat uncomfortably in his costume, scowling prominently. The drama club was doing the play, _The Tempest _described by the director as "A tale of magic, deception and love written into gold laden pages by Shakespeare." To his left, Mikan was given the role of Miranda, the daughter of Duke Prospero. Shipwrecked on an island as a baby, she grew up with her father as the only man in her life. Mikan was chatting to several girls and seemed to really hit it off with them. However she avoided those she knew; she wasn't about to forget how they treated her in class.

Eventually, the son of King Alonso of Naples would come along and sweep her off her feet, taking her to Naples marrying her, and blah blah blah, by the end of the movie. Lucky Ruka, on his right, was given this part; it was already quite public that Ruka and Mikan were together, and this news was only expected.

Behind him was Jimmy, who would play Ariel, and air spirit that would be set free by Prospero from his imprisonment in a pine tree, where he was put by the island's former ruler Sycorax, who would only appear in a flash back, as Sycorax died before the present timeline. Sycorax and Ariel would be played by Sumire and Jimmy respectively. Upon hearing their roles, Sumire was indignant she was given such a small part, and Jimmy promptly fainted at getting such a big part.

And sitting in the middle, still scowling, was Natsume, dressed in as Caliban. The ugly, deformed, and slightly evil son of Sycorax, who was doomed to eventually be deserted by everyone as they sailed off to Naples. Left to rule his kingdom but with nothing to rule.

_Worst. Idea. Ever._

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**Yep, the last chapter was mostly in Natsume's perspective! I'm evil, aren't I?**


	11. Chapter 11

**Omg, it's been so long since I've updated! D:**

**And this chapter isn't even that long.**

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For Mikan, life was great. She finally found a purpose in school, throwing herself into rehersals for the upcoming play. She was helping Ruka and Jimmy overcome their stage fright. (Or at least, Jimmy had the stage fright. Ruka had the emotional scarring.)Her spare joint lay forgotten in her purse.

She was happy again, especially with Jimmy and Ruka. In fact, Mikan had even made a few friends in drama club.

Suzanna, with her frizzy hair and wild personality.

Dixxy, who had such a pretty face. Yet she would rather stick her nose into a book then her face into some boy's mouth.

And timid Penelope. She was so quiet.

But, as the gods, and this author, seemed to will it, that wasn't going to last, was it?

Because tonight was opening night, and something very,very bad was going to happen...

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Ruka was on top of the world. A girlfriend, and club, a life... It was perfect.

Tonight was opening night. Ruka couldn't wait.

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As you readers should know by now, rumours tend to spread through Gakuen Alice very quickly. And Natsume had designed this one to be particularly juicy. And since most of the drama club were people from Force (He really needed to change that name), there was no doubt it would soon reach Mikan's ears. In fact, a crowd behind her was gossiping right now...

"But doesn't he have a boyfriend?"

"I don't doubt it, I mean, his girlfriend leaves a lot to be desired."

"Still, did he really do that?"

"Penelope is still crying over it."

"Did Ruka really rape her?"

_What?_

Natsume could hardly stop his sides from splitting in half. If this didn't work, nothing would. He then stopped laughing when Mikan barged past him, towards, Ruka. He, too, was swamped with people, pestering him with questions regarding the latest rumor. She fought through the knot of students, until she caught sight of Ruka.

"Ruka! What the hell happened?"

"Mikan, I swear, I didn't do anything like that. It's some sort of stupid rumour-"

"Don't listen to him, Mikan!" Penelope stared at her with puffy eyes. "He did it. That son of a bitch raped me! You have to believe me!"

Mikan couldn't help but feel a little torn. Ruka was her boyfriend, and she trusted him a hell of a lot more than Penelope. But in the time she knew her, Penelope had never lied...

"Mikan, I swear, I didn't rape her!"

And if he did do it...

She opened her mouth to answer the two of them, but was interrupted.

The curtain was rising _right in the middle of the argument._

_Who the hell opened the curtain?_

What a fool they must have looked, standing on stage, but having no business there. Ouch.

Everyone froze like a deer caught in headlights. Multiple deers. The whole audience had just witnessed Ruka scream "I swear, I didn't rape her!"

Double ouch.

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After the performance was done and over with, (the curtain was drawn back down as the play hadn't even started yet), Mikan dragged Ruka to a private corner. "I need to know the truth." She demanded.

"I am, Mikan, I swear I didn't do it. You have to believe me." Ruka pleaded, his eyes filled with true honesty. But the seeds of doubt had already been planted in her mind. One memory of Penelope's pained face and her mind was set. "I just need some time alone. If our relationship is going to work, we have to be truthful to each other." She let go of his hand and walked past him, past Jimmy, past Natsume, all the way to her room.

"But I _didn't _do it." Ruka whispered after her.

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Mikan was sitting with her back to her bedroom door, staring ahead of her with an almost dazed expression on her face. This was the first time in weeks that she had touched her drugs, and she dragged her fingers to her lips once more, inhaling deeply from the joint between her fingers.

_Ruka couldn't have done that... could he?_

After that, however, her brain was too fried to do anymore thinking.

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"So it worked?"

"Perfectly."

Penelope grinned at Natsume, the leer on her face looking startling on her too-innocent features.

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**I really need come new ideas. Please review!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Whew! Sorry for the long hiatus, but I've been busy, what with school and what not.**

**I am SO close to the ending now. I horribly messed this story out, so bear with me now.**

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Mikan's 'alone time' spanned from days to weeks. She was distancing herself from everyone, even Jimmy. Even herself. She had stopped making contact with everyone, and a heart-broken Ruka started to think they had broken up. Mikan started to think so, too, and was more dependent than ever on the buzz she got from just one little pill. Or the smoke from a crisp, white, joint. Or the powder she'd inject into her bloodstream, wincing at first as the needle entered her skin. But after a few seconds, her face would relax as the drug took her away.

It was strong stuff, and as the powder work its way from blood to brain, the world would spin from her eyes. Colors merged, and she saw rainbows, even a strange seventh color that she had no name for. She'd reach for it, and it would dissipate, turning into butterflies. On and on... But then she would crash, and the process repeated itself.

however, the effects of her secret 'hobby' was slowly seeping into the rest of her life, her public life. From time to time, her vision would appear blurry. She was disoriented more often. When the teachers asked her a question, she found herself unable to answer it. Her 'dumbness' was no longer a facade. Her mind felt numb. It _was_ numb. And that wasn't the worst of it. Things... happened. She started to see things that no one else did. That weren't there.

Let's just say she became unhinged. Very.

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Mikan stumbled into the class. Late again.

_Not like I've ever done anything different._

As she passed everyone, they'd either sneer or look away. They knew the routine: Mikan would sit down, glare at a few people, and promptly fall asleep in the middle of the lesson. A few twitches, and she would wake up and she would grunt, and drag herself out the door. She wouldn't notice Natsume and Sumire glance each other. She didn't notice Natsume making the 'OK' sign with his hands. Sumire smirked slightly in his direction.

The bell rang. Mikan got up. She picked up her things, and her mouth fell open.

Sumire.

Ruka.

Kissing.

_Kissing._

She did the only thing she could. Storm out of the building and hold back her tears.

"Mikan? Mikan!" Ruka ran after her, pushing Sumire away. Why she had so unexpectedly kissed him, he didn't know, but Sumire may have just have ruined Mikan for good.

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Burst in.

Shut the door. Lock it.

Collaspe and cry.

_Why? Why did he-_

Four months ago Mikan wouldn't have given a rat's ass about who Ruka kissed. But a combination of drugs and her previous relation with Ruka changed that. Perhaps the drugs alone wouldn't be enough to push her off the edge. Perhaps her attachment to Ruka wouldn't be enough to effect her unless she had also been recently dragged into a drug-induced stupor. Nevertheless, she broke. Pills were crammed into her mouth faster than she could process them and she finally gave into bliss of nothingness.

Fortunately for Mikan, or unfortunately if you look at it another way, Ruka had been following her the whole way. After driving his shoulder against the door several times, the door gave way, revealing Mikan's inert body, and the pills that were scattered on the floor around her.

"Oh my God." Doing the only thing he could, he picked Mikan up and carried her as fast as he could to the infirmary, praying it wasn't too late.

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Of all the people who heard about Mikan's condition, Force was most affected. They simply wanted Ruka and Mikan to beak up... but this?

Hotaru was most shocked. All she wanted was her best friend back. Hortaru's brother was killed in a car accident. Now Mikan was close to dying... she was about to lose someone all over again.

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_Beep. Beep. Beep._

Mikan's heartbeat is slow. Dying. And Jimmy is the only one who can stop it from slowing down permanently. If only he could...

"Mikan?" He calls meekly from her bedside? "Are you there? My God, you just can't die, you can't! You're the only friend I've ever had... You can't- ow!"

Mikan's head crashed into Jimmy as she woke with a start. "Ugh. What happened?" She managed to choke out, after catching her breath. She quickly lost it again as Jimmy proceeded to hug the air out of her. She was alive. Maybe life wouldn't be so bad... if she got rid of her 'problems'. Set her affairs in order, yes, that's what she'll do.

_Maybe all I need is Jimmy..._

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**The End? No, it is not.**

**Get ready for the next chapter, cuz it'll be a dozy! *cackles.***


	13. Chapter 13: THE FINAL FRIGGING CHAPTER

**This is the LAST chapter of the story. Mikan's going to flip and kill someone *cough* Sumire*cough***

**I'm really really sorry, but has been a TERRIBLE ending. So sorry. It's just that this thing has been going on for like a YEAR and it's high time I've finished it. But still, I've butchered up the original plot an awful lot.**

**If you flame me I seriously won't blame you. Come to think of it, this entire story hasn't gotten a single flame. Huh.**

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No one dared to look at Mikan the next day. Though all her classmates were too scared to talk to her, talking _about _her was still no problems.

"Oh my God, she's alive!"

"I feel so guilty now."

"When the hell are you going to get it wrapped around your heads! She's doing it for the attention!" This last one was for Sumire.

"But she really did do it, didn't she? With pills?"

"She's a druggie!"

_Oh no, it'd be shameful to look me in the eye, but apparently it's perfectly okay to continue gossiping about me!_

_... Lousy people..._

She sat down at her desk, sitting still, unmoving, and alone. She had told Jimmy to stay at his dorm for today, and to say he was sick. After all, she didn't want him to see what was probably going to happen today.

Natsumi leaned over behind her. "You could have _told _someone." He whispered in her ear, real remorse in his voice. But Mikan heard no remorse. She only heard contempt, and something snapped.

_Stupid boy._

Mikan shot out of her seat, so fast that the chair toppled back. "And what would you do?" She started to shriek. "Ignore me like you do every time I try to open up to you? _Any _of you?" She was addressing the whole class now, and the whole class had no choice but to listen. For the first time in years, Mikan was in the spotlight. "Every time I tell any of you anything, I'm either ignored of mocked!" Natsume tried to grab Mikan's arm, in an effort to calm her down.

It didn't work. Mikan jerked he arm out of his grasp and continued to yell. "Well, now I _am _going to tell you something! _You could have had a V8!_" And so she did the classic bang on the head to Natsume.

...Wut.

Everyone stared. No one knew how to make sense of Mikan's outburst. In fact, it took a full thirty seconds for Natsume to realize that his hair was on fire.

_Mikan had stolen Natsume's alice._

"Argh!" Attempting to smother the flames with his hands, Natsume only succeeded in burning his hands. His screams got louder as the pain increased. They were loud. They made Mikan smile. Of course, she wasn't going to let the flames burn farther than his skin; he deserved much more suffering than that.

_Such a nice, slow death._

"I'll tell you something else, too, a story. Once upon a time a little girl got tired of being teased, so she turned to drugs and then _killed everyone! _What joy! And the very first person to die was Permy." Sumire's scream died in her throat, as she failed to run away and was grabbed by Mikan on the throat. As Sumire's blood started to boil under the skin and her eyes started to roll upwards, Mikan's smile grew even wider.

"The End."

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**OhmyfreakingGodwhathaveIdone.**

**That is the END of Let Go! Unless I get enough reviews saying that want an extension of this chapter.^^**

**And now I'll be finishing up my other two stories, those of which I have sadly neglected while I was writing this one.**

**BYE!**


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